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Well, heading North was my intent at least. To be entirely honest, I left Heathrow without any clue whatsoever as to where I was going. Without GPS I was left lost and alone in a foreign land where almost nobody spoke English. Okay, they all spoke English, but they refer to soccer as football over there so things could go haywire in an instead if I didn’t watch out.
As I departed the airport I fell back on my oft used technique to get myself out of any jam – follow the crowd. It works maybe 74% of the time. Wherever the most amount of cars seem to be heading – I will head there too. At the very least you should end up somewhere safe (and maybe fun). Amazingly enough the strategy worked as I got out of Heathrow and ended up heading North on the Msomething…….M1? I think that was it….
Regardless I was on my way!
Now, as I mentioned in my earlier post, that was just the beginning of my disastrous trip over to the UK. I actually reached Huntingdon fairly easily, but from there I spent about 3 hours driving around in circles trying to find the Marriott. And Huntingdon is not that big.
So, you may be wondering, “Ronniedigital, what was your first impression of Huntingdon?”
It was something like, “holy Mary-Mother-of-God, these roads, what’s wrong with these roads? They’re clearly one way, but cars are going both ways……Why are cars parked in so many different directions? Why are they parked in the street on a road that is not wide enough for two cars as it is? Why is this car so effing big? Oh, how cute, a fox. Is it British? I bet it is. Shit this road is too small. I need a smaller car!!! WWJD!”
After three hours of this and two stops at a Tesco, multiple stops to ask for directions, and having passed some locations up to 48 times I finally made it to the Marriott (by accident). I also ran a red light at one point, and entered almost every roundabout in the wrong lane.
Yeah, that sums it up. A disaster.
But wait, there’s more. After my extremely exhausting trip I went to check into the Marriott and just as I arrive the power goes off. This delays the check-in process slightly, but soon enough I was up and sleeping in my room.
Or so it seemed. 😦
About an hour into my stay someone entered my room using THEIR key car and quickly snuck out after realizing the room was occupied. Although this was a bit unsettling, I was too tired to bother with details, and went back to trying to nap. After about another hour a nice man in a suit also entered and came in far enough to say hello and apologize for interrupting my nap. I then went downstairs and asked the front desk to cease and desist from sending strangers into my room. Apparently due to the power outage they couldn’t log the key card in, or something like that, and decided the best tactic was to have everyone just check in to my room.
You may be asking yourself a question right now, and that question is more than likely, “did the Bronx Zoo ever have people in their cages as an exhibit you could visit?” Well, great question, and the answer is YES, yes they did!
Poor Ota Benga.
Okay, so that may not be the question you were asking right at the moment. The question you are probably asking, or should be asking, is…….”what the fuck is this? A new post? Where you been RonnieDigital? Okay, that’s like eight questions, but you get the point.
Well, my point is – I am here to say sayonnara USA! RonnieDigital is leaving the United States of America for greener pastures! Or at least cloudier skies. For the next 92 days I will be living it up in the United Kingdom of America! Or the UKA for short…..Or as Deb calls it, “the place where all the good books come from.” Or as I call it, “that place that gave us ‘Top Gear’ and toaster ovens.”
Or as my mom calls it, “the land of my overlords.” (Note: She’s Canadian)
Be afraid United Kingdom’ians…..be very afraid.
My third vacation of the summer was to St. Louis! Rather than telling you about all the awesome things that I did I have decided to instead show you through PICTURES! From my camera – my camera that’s in my phone!!
First up on the trip was the zooooo! I had already been to the St. Louis zoo, but since the zoo is free – as is virtually every single thing in St. Louis – I figured I would return to see if the animals remembered me. They didn’t. Anyway, this picture is showing not one, not two, but three giraffes! It may look like there was no fence between myself and the man-eating beasts, but I can assure you that there was.
My second stop was to the Gateway Arch. The arch sits just on the outskirts of downtown, and it is said if you walk under it you will have magical powers bestowed upon you.
I have a natural distrust for magic, since my mom is Canadian, so I didn’t try to find out. Anyway, what I didn’t know until I walked up to this magical half-oval was that you can actually go inside – there is a gift shop and everything. Most notably, if you are willing to pay zero dollars you can take a ride in some space-agey pod thing (pictured to the right) and get lifted up to the top where you can see the entire city, and, if you have a pair of binoculars, you can even watch the Cardinals game. Yes, someone was actually doing that.
Stop three took me to the Budweiser brewery. Not that exciting, but you do get free beer at the end of the free tour – which, if you really, really, really like beer – is an amazing deal! During the tour they show off the Clydesdale horses they keep on site, and walk you through the entire beer making process. There are some escalators involved (Fun Fact: I love escalators) in the tour and they are absolutely one-hundred percent anti-crocs (those sandal things). They hate them so much that they will not let you take the tour if you are wearing those ridiculous shoes. I’m certain there is some special reason for that, but I will be damned if I know what it could be….
My fourth big event was a St. Louis Cardinals baseball game! The most exciting part of this trip was that sitting about four rows in front of me and just to the left was the family that was directly in front of me on the Budweiser tour. The odds of that happening has to be astoundingly low. The baseball game was not free, but should have been considering it was 8 million degrees outside. The Cardinals somehow managed to fall behind 7-0 in the top of the first inning and never recovered. Sorry Cardinals – I did buy a Cardinals hat though. Again, not free – but I love to support local businesses.
The fifth and final significant event was my trip down the St. Louis walk of fame. The walk featured all sorts of legends from sports, entertainment and everything in between. I saw a star for famous wife-beater Ike Turner, famed magician turned actor Vincent Price, and the man whom portrayed Egon in the film ‘Ghostbusters’ – Harold ‘effing’ Ramis! Chuck Berry seemed to be the biggest star as he had both a star and a statue.
Here are some other random photos from the trip. Baywash – best name I’ve ever seen for a car wash. ‘Kings Beauty Supplies and Tobacco’ because those two things always go together. The giant polar bear that tried to stop westward expansion, and finally Cardinals stadium pictured from the Arch. The rest speak for themselves – I hope.
I have now been a resident of Syracuse for exactly one month and during this time the single biggest complaint I have about this city is the streets. In my entire life I have never seen a place where every single street is in such god-awful condition. The best street you travel down in Syracuse is pretty much the equivalent of your normal below average stretch of road anywhere else in America. I truly fear that one day I’m just going to disappear down a pothole never to be heard from again……
Even simple things you take for granted, like having the manhole covers somewhat level with the road, stand out as you drive around here. For some reason half the manhole covers are a good three feet below the rest of the street. It is essentially like driving around a park with speed bumps everywhere if they inverted every other speed bump to ensure they cause as much damage as possible to your car.
Since it may be somewhat difficult for everyone to imagine just how bad the roads are, I have constructed a precise diagram which displays very clearly the type of bumps and dips you can expect to encounter while visiting Syracuse. If you do elect to visit to pick up your MERCHANDISE I would recommend driving your car to the outskirts of Syracuse and then renting a car to finish your journey.
According to my figures, sixty percent of the roads are in poor condition, 20 percent are fair, 9 percent are normal, seven percent are good, and the remaining four percent are in excellent condition.