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I had my first visit to our nation’s capital this weekend. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I did figure at the very least I would get to see the White House and maybe some of the cast from ‘The West Wing.’ Honestly, the White House seemed a bit smaller than I thought it would be. Otherwise, it was a pretty nice little city.
The one thing nobody told me about DC though (not that I asked) is that every single wrong turn you take feeds directly into Virginia. I’m not sure why they want you to end up in Virginia so badly, but they do. Not that there is anything wrong with Virginia, it’s just not where I want be. Pretty much ever.
In my most recent visit to the Humane Society of Syracuse I encountered what I thought was going to be a goldmine. It was a cat with opposable thumbs! After taking a few pictures that I planned on selling to the highest bidder (figured it would come down to ‘Cat Fancy’ or ‘The National Enquirer’) I headed home to notify the world of my mind.
Well, as it turns out the cat wasn’t all that unique at all. What I did find though was a cat with 28 toes, and numerous references to cat named Chuvalo, who only has one opposable thumb but has gained a little fame for his or her half-assed attempt at having opposable thumbs. This cat had TWO, but it still wouldn’t be enough for me to retire just from the pictures I took.
Anyway, here is my picture of the white cat with opposable thumbs. He/she had them on both feet by the way – way to go super-advanced genetically superior cat!! Hopefully you get adopted.
From the Archives – Originally posted 5/17/2011
Yahoo had an interesting story about a bear attack today that resulted in one man being severely mauled and left in critical condition.
Perkins, a former Nome fire chief, was attacked on Sunday by a large bear that he and two companions were tracking by snowmobile in a hilly area outside of Nome, the Alaska State Troopers said.
Perkins was riding in front of his companion when the bear charged him, trooper spokeswoman Megan Peters said.
From Urban Dictionary: Drive-By:
The other men in the hunting party shot and killed the bear and called for help by radio, she said.
I have to say I take exception to the fact that they keep referring to the bear attacking Mr. Perkins. I’m pretty sure if you’re tracking something in snowmobile to shoot it, you’re the one that’s on attack. You’re probably not really hunting either I think the technical term is a drive-by.
Okay, I wasn’t attacked – but this woodchuck was certainly eyeing me up for dinner the other day at work. Luckily I spotted the little bastard as he or she took up an attack position underneath the Chevy Blazer that was conveniently parked to my right.
Since woodchucks generally are busy chucking wood in the forest, it was pretty clear that man was on menu (and by man I mean ME) for this chucker – why else would he/she be in parking lot? There’s no wood in parking lots….
Anyway, it all worked out – I called in to work, advised them that I was sick. and drove home.
It’s a well-known fact that Bees and me just do not get along – they had the upper hand through most of my childhood, however, after their third all-out attack on my life I turned the tables for a bit before moving out of my boyhood home and to an area where bees were less readily available to attack me (and me them). Not that they didn’t try, but due to a larger population I was able to blend in and they had trouble finding me.
As a result of my struggles with these pests, I spend hours each day scouring the internet for stories about where the bees are and what they’re up to. Typically they’re not doing much, or at least they’re doing it out of the prying eyes of the mainstream media, but every now and again I find out that they are still very much alive and thriving as they rebuild their numbers in their never-ending quest to make my life miserable.
In a sad turn of events a man in Florida was recently attacked by a swarm of as many as 100,000 bees!
Jason Deeringer of Insect I-Q told WFLA that the bees are most likely “Africanized” bees — colloquially called “killer bees” — which are much more aggressive than other types of honey bees.
“[Africanized bees] have a horrible attitude. Highly defensive,” Deeringer told the station.
I do not know who Jason Deeringer is, but I would like to congratulate him on mastering the obvious. I wonder if I could get a part-time job with Insect I-Q – clever name!
Bees have a horrible attitude? Is this news to anyone? All they do is fly around looking to attack people – they land on flowers, and then pretend to pollinate them just to keep how completely useless they are under wraps, and then look for someone to sting. That’s pretty much what they do all day – every day. Oh, and they build hives to house their armies – they do that as well. And eat apples.
Except for Bumblebees – Bumblebees are fine. I actually believe they pollinate – in my experiences encountering them they tend not to attack without reason – they’re just all around good insects. The kind you don’t mind showing up at picnic – the rest of them are filthy little creatures that want nothing more than to ruin your life.
I was just glancing over my statistics and noticed that Human See, Human Do has taken quite a fall in popularity over the years and I have been wracking my brain over any possible reason. As the number of views go down, so do my sales, and sales are what drive this site! Without the sales there is no content, and without content there is no new merchandise, and without new merchandizes there is no repeat customers, and without repeat customers we’re all doomed.
So, being incredibly analytical, I know this btw because I often reference that strength in cover letters (along with my passion for teamwork and donut holes) – I decided to look closer at the numbers and try to pinpoint what the problem is or was.
My first theory I discarded rather quickly, and that was that my views started to go down when I stopped updating my blog. It seems to follow because when I stopped updating my hits did start to decrease, but the connection just isn’t strong enough for me to believe this one to be true. With all the great content I had already provided I figure there were hundreds of reasons to come back and re-read the material so I can’t fathom this to be the cause.
My second thought was the lack of new merchandise . I also threw this theory out the window pretty quickly, since sales have always been sporadic, hovering between zero sales per month and no sales each month.
In case you’re interested, here are the stats:
Sadly, looking over the stats, I had almost as many views in May, 2010 than I have had this entire year. So what is the most likely reason for this huge setback?
The proliferation of zombies on television, in films, literature, it’s too much and it’s caused a mass exodus from Human See, Human Do that even the release of a new Planet of the Apes in 2011 could not cure.
I still haven’t quite pinpointed just how this has hurt my site views so much, but I rest assured, I am on the case…..