Just to continue on with my Christmas theme, I am now going to unveil next years wrapping paper! As a savvy shopper, I know that the best deals on wrapping paper are always the day after Christmas. I think everyone probably knows that, but whatever.
I know I may have said earlier that blue wrapping paper is the way to go, but you to adapt if all the blue patterns suck – and adapt I did. So this is what I am going with instead – feel free to copy me and you can have a classy Christmas next year too!
As far as my actual Christmas, it went pretty well. And by pretty well I mean that I managed to stay sober in spite of the endless amount of peer pressure I faced from my family to drink myself into oblivion. My family enjoys two things – offering me drinks, and trying to get me to eat squash.
The drinking I understand – I am fantastic sober, so it only stands to reason that I would be even more fantastic drunk, and they want to witness it. The more I put it off – the more they want to see it. Well done, me.
In addition, it’s become some sort of odd family ritual, in a family without many customs, for the family each and every Christmas to taunt me endlessly about the fact that I hate squash. This always ends with someone putting squash on my plate and everyone cheering me on as I shovel the world’s tiniest spoonful of any substance ever into my mouth.
And even with it being that tiny I still recoil in terror right before it hits because I know it’s going to be the most god-awful taste that’s ever been invented……I say invented because I am pretty certain if there is a god he would not have come up with that him or herself.
F**k you squash…..f**k you.